Bau Tanah Sehabis Hujan

Hujan. Namanya Hujan. Panggil saja dia Hujan. Memang namanya Hujan. Tiada yang menamainya selain Hujan. Jarum-jarum jiwanya memaknai diri Hujan juga. Peduli apa dengan nama-nama lain, yang jelas namanya Hujan. Hujan saja. Hanya Hujan. Jangan dipanggil dengan nama lain. Jika iya, ia akan mendatangimu, mencincang, dan memperkedelmu, karena namanya Hujan. Sudah sewajarnya dipanggil Hujan. Jangan dipanggil dengan nama lain, Setan.

Baunya memang Hujan. Mengenai Tanah, namanya tetap Hujan. Bentuknya serupa titik-titik air, dialah Hujan. Jatuh dari awan-awan kelam, benar, dia Hujan. Tanah menantinya setiap saat, merindu, memuja, dan mencinta-nya, siapa lagi, Hujan. Tak ada yang mampu menandingi kesetiaan Tanah mengharap sang Hujan datang menghampirinya.

Salah. Bukan hanya Tanah yang menanti Hujan. Aku, di sini, juga menantinya: Bau Tanah sehabis Hujan.

Namanya Hujan. Baunya semerbak hidup di saraf-saraf jiwaku. Hujan dan Tanah menikah, menebar harum kehidupan. Hakikatnya adalah Hujan namanya, Tanah kekasihnya, dan Bau sehabisnya adalah hidupku.

Kita dalam satu dimensi yang sama, membentuk sebuah nama, kehidupan.


*Untuk jiwa-jiwa yang haus menamai pemahaman yang bercampur baur dengan kehidupan...*

WINGS [1]

Getting exhausted day by day, I am. My eyes can’t see through the window. No dust there, you see. Just, I can’t see it through. I keep holding my cup of coffee, trying to focus on my mind. My eyes can’t break the window, but my mind has been already flying away during all this time, leave me alone in this café. I swallow my bitter coffee taste. Just the taste I can feel, not the coffee itself. The texture is kind of different. Coffee is merely water, feel it; the same like you breathe the air. It is here, when I see you, whom I try to figure it out. I have been swallowing the taste, you walking alone in the road in front me, this mirror window in between. Then in sudden my mind is flying back to its original place. I grab its white line, bring the coffee out the cafe and run behind you when I realize you take my scooter away. What’s wrong with you, dude?

Just forgetting the tiresome, I let my body works its own. I can feel the white wind slap my face. The rare feeling of life makes me excited. How long have I never felt this way? One hundred million years, God. The feeling is just great; you can feel the thumping of your heart. I am laughing; it means that I am still a living creature. Then, now, I sit in this old car; try to catch that boy who stealing my scooter. My real-precious-scooter, inherited from my pop. Pop gonna kill me if he know his very only scooter is abandoned by me. Just thinking about this makes me laughing. Pop is not here anymore; he will never mock at me, anyway.

“Can you drive it faster?” I beg to the driver beside me. The old-driver-man looks at me with a telling face you-are-not-out-of-your-mind. Then, I just put a little smile in my corner lips. He backs to see the front. I feel embarrassed. I don’t have manner, rite. I am kidding myself, always like that.

“You try to catch that young boy, girl?” finally the old-driver-man asks me while pointing out the boy who walks into a pet shop leaving my scooter alone in the side of the road. I nod. “Ok, I’m gonna drop you here.” He says while stopping this old car behind my pop’s old scooter.

“Thank you, sir.” Getting drop in front of pet shop, this is my first time. Not once in my life ever I will visit a place like this. I’m not so into loving pets, animals, etc. Just, I hate having a responsible of others. That’s the real me, who is really getting tired and lonely. Yah, it’s the real me. While keep holding this coffee cup – which is still full of coffee – and wearing my helmet attracts the attention of people who walk pass by me. I care not, I just walk to the pet shop, see through the window what that boy actually does there.

This is not a pet shop, but a bird shop – I mean the shop which selling the bird, much kind of birds – that I don’t really know it does exist. My eyes can see it through, I can see it, and even my mind can control my body to stay still, watch over that boy. I can’t believe myself whether I’m on my right mind now, or in contrary, insane. The smell of the coffee creates such classic atmosphere that you can only see it on movie, the real feeling of uniqueness of life. Here, the mysterious and hilarious life, I can find only by watching that from-other-world-boy.

The real thing why I feel so alive in a sudden and I can see it through – and also my mind which is back to the normal state – is that boy is really from-other-world-boy. He has such wings in his back. He has. In the café I can see it so clearly. The white wings, wide and beautiful, and great, and miracle, and LIVE! My eyes never wrong before just can’t see it through. But for sure, these eyes never have been wrong. I can even see when my pop passed away and stand still strong. These eyes for hundred million years never wrong. My mind won’t ever create such crazy illusion. It works really amazing, help me grabs my minutes every day and lend me its strength to kick the trouble out. So, that boy is really from-other-world-boy. Either he is an angel or an alien from Mars. Gonna say it, he is from-other-world-boy.

My eyes keep following him, who is right now looks so excited visiting the birds one by one. Looking at them for awhile, then move to the next one, like that in almost thirty minutes. Then he walks out the shop. I put my helmet in the floor in front of the window, and abandon the coffee cup which is still full of it. I run catching him who is in my scooter again, and drives it right away. He looks at me with a flat face, and ignores me. The wings are already gone, I think. I hug him from behind, the from-other-world-boy’s back. It’s the first time ever I hug others back besides my pop. And it’s kind of having different soul-image. Just, I am flying right now, my heart beats so fast. Excited is what I want to feel while seeing through everything and let my mind flying through all this roads. Just, something like that gonna work.

This from-other-world-boy has no such speaking skill, I guess. He never once speaks to me though I follow him all his way. But, I either, won’t ask him to speak. It’s all best way to be alive, no speak, no deal, no confrontation, and just walks on it. At a time, the wings appear; I feel so amaze and just keep looking at these. What is exactly this boy? This from-other-world-boy is just great. The wings blind me, let my hands touch it, but every time I try, the wings disappear like nothing has been there. I just can sigh and regret it.

“Who are you?” I can’t take it any longer. My lips just do what they want to do. And my tongue just helps them. “You are kind of spirit or something? You have that… w – wings?”

His black eyes trying to find my pupil of my eyes, like delivering the soul inside him. “Can you see these?” He makes his wings appear again, and my eyes get so wide, amaze. I nod. “Oh so there’s really someone like you, who can watch helper.” He says, half-murmuring.

“Hel-per?” I ask. “What helper? Is that part of being spirit? Or ghost?” I can’t understand what he talking about. He laughs and sits beside me.

“Something like that, helper is spirit who helps angel, down to the earth help people to stay alive, creates great atmosphere, saves the dead-living-creature, like you especially.” He looks at me, deliver a really warm wave. “But, you are in your top state, Carla.” He touches my head, “all of your unconsciousness gets you to be ‘can’t-see-through’ but ‘can-feel-it-through’. Do you know what I mean?”

“You mean it’s really happen I can’t see through the window is not my fault? But it’s real? But, how I can really see you through it clearly?” I try to remember everything that was happened, in these recent days, I can’t really see what others do. I just try to grab it then make my mind flies to catch it. That’s all what I do these all days. I’m insane, really. “No, you must be just an imagination.”

“No, Carla. ‘You-can-feel-it-through’ that what I mean. You can feel my spirit who is others can’t feel.” He says. No, he is wrong. The old-driver-man can recognize him too. “The old man who drives you to the pet shop, you mean? He is just another people like you, he’s desperate to death, and just he can’t see my wings, because he can’t ‘feel-it-through’, he’s too old to develop his mind do the manifest. Oh anyway, I can read your mind as well.” I can’t close my mouth. It’s just crazy elaboration from crazy boy whom I don’t know where he comes from.

“It must be just a dream.” I hit my head. But it hurts. Then it’s real. Oh, God, I can’t believe it.

“No, it’s not only a dream, but a real you. And by the way, you know exactly where I come from, I’m helper of angel, who all of man in the world know where the angel comes from, the heaven. Oh yes, girl, the great heaven.” He says while laughing scared me.

“Don’t laugh. Nothing funny here, you know. You just make me frightened.” I say, stare at him angrily. He smiles at me. “I feel so excited because I feel ‘I-can-see-it-through’ because in these last days I feel lose it, but you say ‘I-can-feel-i- through’. You mean by grabbing the entire thing using my mind?” I ask, still want to know what actually happen with me.[cut]